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Honest take: this is one of the more lopsided line-ups we've clicked through, plenty of the names with pull here are men, and the women who do turn up split into two camps that barely overlap. Most read like a price list with emojis bolted on. Then there's Johanna, who I kept coming back to. Her bio actually sounds like she wrote it herself, a bit wistful, says she's 34, cheerful and outgoing but still after a bit of warmth. No menu, no pitch. After scrolling past forty profiles of identical copy, that lands oddly hard.

Linda✨ is the exact opposite and I don't mind it one bit. She's the most-wanted name here, runs a free page, and tells you straight she's good about custom requests and calls without pretending it's anything more profound. You know what you're getting. MayDreams✨ sits somewhere in the middle, sweet one line and teasing the next, and she literally asks you to make her your favourite, which is cheeky enough to land. But Johanna's the one I'd point a mate at first, purely because she reads like a person and not a brochure.

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